Pages by Rod Hayward aka..
{SMEG}~Taz ^..^

News archive
Bug Fixes
Multiplay Page
What is Smeg?
Smeg Colours


Although this is primarily a news page for the members, if you are n't a Smeg and you have wandered in here out of curiosity, you are welcome anyway.

  • The news will be updated as and when time permits, the last two weeks on the page will be transferred to the archive page.

  • Game tips, bugs and snags will be on the appropriate pages.

  • It will, of course, be dependent on time and space [no pun intended] :)

  • I do not intend to list the "best, worst, so and so sucks" type stuff.

  • Any reproduced posts are "as is" with no guarentees or acceptance of any liability for innaccuracies or errors.

Saturday Jan 2nd
We have two new members. They are {SMEG}~Locke and {SMEG}~!GAVNER! Mr Locke seems to have an unhealthy popgun obsession, which he assures me, is not permanent. Well be warned, you are most likely to get kicked out of games if all you do is "pop" and dont shoot.

The GAVNERS an older chap, who is working in St Petersburg, so they are both likely to be night owls. We'll see. Best behaviour now :) , be sure to read our does and don'ts section on the joining page, if you hav n't already.

I am still going to keep one place open for Fungu in the hope we can save his soul.

Thursday Dec 31st

Happy New Year you lot ! Some of you may have noticed I have been adding a few bits to your pages. Arf. I have decided we ought to limit our number of members to 20. This is because I want keep it personal. We have seen what has happened to other outfits that have grown "top-heavy", I dont want that to happen to us. We all get on with each other (most of the time) and I think you will agree that the chemistry is about right. Besides I want you all to have your own pages and twenty pages is enough to maintain. That leaves just 2 places left to fill. If one of the old hands turns up and is desperate for a home I'll put it to a vote.

Heh, imagine, people pointed out and mobbed in the street, "I want your place on the Clan Smeg waiting list, biff, scud arrghhh". Ha ha ha. The prestige.

Stop Press USA Servers to be renamed "Whipsnade" 1,2 & 3.

Well not really, but you would think so, given the amount of P G Tips being consumed there. Every night I go for a look-see there are the same old battered squabbles being kicked around. Tragic. Come on Fungu, get back home, you're too decent for that crap. I'm still looking for the Arse Lt BTW.

Tuesday Dec 29th

Episode 4 of "The Chimpinators": "The Redoubt" is out tonight.

Sunday Dec 27th

Made a "Gallery" page today in response to some of your requests

Friday Dec 25th
Merry Christmas!!! Jaki Chan gets an unwanted present that that he can't return. BMR Santa is the drunken, apres-party, Blitzwing BTW. Woof woof, arf arf

Luverly Prezzie Full size 67kb
There is a new link to a secure passworded page for maps and stuff, courtesy of Upuaut at
The Top Secret Maps Page (members only)

You will need the password to access these maps, so if you don't know it, mail or ICQ me.

Thursday Dec 24th
A heartfelt Merry Christmas to all you lot. It's been a very good year, with the good humour far outweighing any minor grizzles. He is a shot from last night's heavy metal game. Me, Blitz, Jaki Chan and Upuaut. It was terrible trying to fend off the bombs, cos everytime you take a pic, the game freezes, (well at least at my end).

Sorry too pissed to do Chimp story. L8r

The Poseurs

Wednesday Dec 23rd
Free at last!!!

Just doing my Martin Luther impression. No more work for 2 weeks! The dog's. I shall try and get Episode 4 of "The Chimpinators": "The Redoubt" done soon. again I've written it up, I just need to get it typed in. I will also change the "shot of the week page and try and get all the new member info sorted.

The low turnover in members, I think, is an indication of how happy our outfit is and I quietly proud of this. A big thanks to all of you who put up with my mood swings and make this outfit what it is. *bows to the guys* We have only ever had two people leave us. One guy just gave up playing BZ altogether and the other was a knobend who was only in for one week. I am seriously thinking about closing the books when we get to twenty or twenty five members. I dunno tho, I just don't want our lil' gang to collapse under it's own weight. You lot got any feelings about this?

He he, I just had a thought. Imagine a clan so prestigeous it has a waiting list. Muhahahah, It kills meeeeeeee.

Just had a crap time down Tesco's getting the Crimble grub. I wanted to belt someone by the time I got to the checkout. Pant pant pant.

Don't give pets for Christmas BTW. I got two Giant Pandas here and they breed like nobodys' business. Can some on please find a home for the offspring. I have had to drown half a dozen this year already !
Tuesday Dec 22nd

Merry Christmas. Here's a nice Crimble card from Ian, (Smeg Ori) full size image 363kb

I shall be starting my Xmas break from this evening. Today is my last day at work until the 4th of Jan. I shall be checking the email on a regular basis, so if you have anything you want included, send it in. I have got som nice pics from the "Heavy metal" game I had with Blitz and co the other night, si I will be changing the shot of the week soon. It's the same one for ages, sorry 'bout that. If you have not got a copy of this fine map, get along to the BMR Maps Page and pick it up, it's a goody. A bit like Stars-wars on the Death star.

Ok ok, so the last news of the day. A new member from The Luton area joins today. The new bloke is the youngest member in the clan, so I don't want any of you older buggers rubbing it in, just like you do with me 'cos I'm old. {SMEG}~Death Master asked very politely if he could join. Given the recent activities of a certain member, I could not really be rude and turn him down. If he plays as well as his manners, then he'll be fine :) He did take the trouble to ask me 4 times, after all. Anyway, he's on his best behaviour, 'cos I told hiim what a cynincal bunch of ppl we are. He was in APO (A Major, gasp!), and decided he wanted to come over to us.

It's up to you now Ben, don't let me down now, y'hear!

Monday Dec 21st
We have another member,{SMEG}~Alien ,his and Killies (and anyone else, come to that) flags are in the /smegflags folder

We played the IG again last night. Not so good, every time I got one of them down to 1 red bar (on 4 occasions), they topped themselves. Well bollocks to that, Espcially (IG)2-shot. You are now in the same bin as HEL as far as I'm concerned.

Some religious axioms

Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us.
Atheism: I don't believe this shit.
Confucianism: Confucius says - shit happens.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
New Age: I affirm shit does not happen to me.
Rastafarianism: Lets roll up this shit and smoke it.

Sunday Dec 20th
The USA server has just crashed and the UK is completly chimped out now (00:30). So I decided to do our latest members page. Killiefish aka {SMEG}~Killie has thrown in his lot with us also as of today. A hello to you too.

The latest I hear is that DO is going to keep going, although Fungu has left, he has passed it over to "Chesty". I spoke with Chesty earlier and he said that this was so. We wish them all the best. Also there's a another ex DO "Genesis" who is a possibilty I hear. We'll see if he gets in touch. Sheeesh if this was football, it would have cost a fortune in transfer fees.

Had a good game with IG in a colloseum. Me, Upuaut, Jaki and Brum vs 4 IG. It was well played...Ummmm. ahh,.. that is we came second. Heh, still it was not a disaster and we did put up a good show.
This was Thursday,s Headline on the "Sun". They should have called it "Operation Enormous BMR Hairy Arse". Watchout Saddam, you could get sat on, Grendal time....... Arf arf.

P.S. I think it might help if when some of us are getting stuffed by 3 rocket tanks that our mates don't sit around waiting for blast cannons to respawn, *slaps botty*. Seriously, as a team, we were outclassed, simple as that.

I finally did my nukepatches today. NP

The Ultimate weapon ?

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