Pages by Rod Hayward aka..
{SMEG}~Taz ^..^

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Although this is primarily a news page for the members, if you are n't a Smeg and you have wandered in here out of curiosity, you are welcome anyway.

  • The news will be updated as and when time permits, the last two weeks on the page will be transferred to the archive page.

  • Game tips, bugs and snags will be on the appropriate pages.

  • It will, of course, be dependent on time and space [no pun intended] :)

  • I do not intend to list the "best, worst, so and so sucks" type stuff.

  • Any reproduced posts are "as is" with no guarentees or acceptance of any liability for innaccuracies or errors.

Thursday Jan 14th
Mod rumble is not now going to be played tonight. I was on late last night and "Omicron" (Mod Contact) said the tonight is no good for them. They will be about tomorrow, however, so we will revert to the original plan of whoever happens to be about at the time gets stuck in. There's a good chance I will be about from 20:30 ish and poss Fear as well. I know Jaki and Killie cant make it, so we just need one more sad person, I mean volenteer, to join in.

Wednesday Jan 13th
It's my Birthdayyyyyyyyy. The Smegmeister is 44 today. Eeeeeeeeka.

Wifey is taking me out tonight, so I dunno if I'll be on later, if not I'll see you tomorrow.

Mod rumble is now scheduled for tomorrow night (dunno what time yet) 'bout 9 I guess. I hav n't heard from MoD, but it seems that this is the best day for our lot. I'll tell BZF that we are "active" afterwards. Bring some oranges for half time.

Tuesday Jan 12th
There's gonna be a rumble with MoD at the weekend. Fear, Jaks and Killie vs 3 of them, best of 3. The Mod blokes mailed me and asked if we wanted a game. I cant be arsed at the moment personally, but it's only fair to accomodate those guys that want to :) If people mail me and ask, then fair enough, I aint gonna go out looking for matches. Like I said the fun side is the important thing.

This is how interest stands at the moment as far as I know.

Mad keen to get stuck in: Fear, Killie, Jaks

Will get stuck in occasionally:. Taz Gavner

Will get stuck if asked: Brum, Bang Bang

Not interested: Capt Mo.

Uncertain: Upuaut, Markie, Alien. Locke

Unheard from: The rest

Let me know if this is incorrect huh ?

The Bwian thing killed me on Saturday, that's my idea of a great crowd. I have yet to see any clan anywhere with such a common sense of humour. We have a rare thing going here, thanks to all of you lot for making it so enjoyable. "Follow the shoe"

says it all really.

I 've made an index page to the News archives as there are 11 pages now (going back to June 1998.) All Archive Index pages refs. have dates with links to the appropriate pages. No charge :)


Monday Jan 11th
Sorry peeps this PC thing is holding up Episode 5 and I am also trying to sort out some web niggles. I will catch up as soon as I can.

I had a mail from the MoD contact in the BZF. Further to my last news about joining BZF, it seems they would like the pleasure of our company in a kick-up (T B N).

I suggested a best of 3, one side chooses a map each, in the event of a tie, the least scoring side chooses the map for the decider. Nothing further has been discussed, let me know those of you who are interested. If no one is, I'll tell them.

If I get more than 4 volunteers, the names will go in the hat and the wife will pull you off, I mean pull the names out.

Sunday Jan 10th
We are now members of the Battle Zone Federation ,
as opposed to the Judean People's Front.

The BMR and VC are also members, which suggests that it's a wholesome thing, 'cos we know those guys are OK. The day any of those cheating-chimp clans (and we know who the are) get signed up (which is unlikely) I'll pull us out quicker than you can say "Nie".

Any of you lot want to get stuck in, let me know. those of you who don't, well that's fine. This should satisfy both sides of the camp. I gave my email as the contact point, so I'll let you know if anything is going on. The BZF membership will make absolutley no difference to the way things are, we are a fun outfit and mates come first, that's the way it's gonna stay.

Speaking of which, here's some funnies

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

It's all black black black black.

A Severe Strain on the Credulity

As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the highest parts of the earth's atmospheric envelope, Professor Goddard's rocket is a practicable and therefore promising device. It is when one considers the multiple-charge rocket as a traveler to the moon that one begins to doubt ... for after the rocket quits our air and really starts on its journey, its flight would be neither accelerated nor maintained by the explosion of the charges it then might have left. Professor Goddard, with his "chair" in Clark College and countenancing of the Smithsonian Institution, does not know the relation of action to re-action, and of the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react ... Of course he only seems to lack the knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.

-- New York Times Editorial, 1920

Heh, talk about putting your size 9's in it.

I am still working on Episode 5 of "The Chimpinators", Sorry but a pre-"plug and play" scsii card is being a sod to install and it's taken up most of my weekend so far. I will do it and the shot of the week as soon as I can.

Friday Jan 8th
First of all, Jaki stop giving Fear a heart attack ye bugger :) He is a very sensitive chap. He's spent 10 months on line looking for a nice friendly home. If anyone else heard what was going on I can confirm the I AM DEF. NOT QUITTING or DISBANDING THE GANG... Pant Pant Pant...Grrrr ^..^ Ha ha ha, best joke of 1999 so far.

Secondly, I am going out for a sesh with the Captain tonight (and a curry), so I dunno if and when I will be on.

Meanwhiles, here's a few funnies.

Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
  • Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb; use the stairs.
  • When you're flying through the air, remember to roll when you hit the ground.
  • If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
  • Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead to psychological problems.
  • Food will be scarce; you will have to scavenge. Learn to recognize foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes, shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
  • Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze; internal organs will be scarce in the post-nuclear age.
  • Try to be neat; fall only in designated piles.
  • Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas; people could be staggering illegally.
  • Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to ones, but more sanitary due to limited circulation.
  • Accumulate mannequins now; spare parts will be in short supply on D-Day.

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint!
Wednesday Jan 6th

Fear goes magging!
(Full size image 80k's
Not content with celebrating his birthday quietly, Fear and Loathing surprises a banana smuggler on the Erskine bridge and mags the crap out of it. When asked about the uncanny accuracy of the pinpoint shooting our hero replied.

"Eh well hen, 'snow point in no' hittun wha' ye aimin at, see ye noo get the pretty colours, ye ken."
Tuesday Jan 5th
Another Jaki and Fear Victory! This time it was the turn of the SMILE gang to end up with Smeg on their face in a 2 vs 2. He He. 2-0 again. Woof. Well done again. Last night there was a overwhelming Smeg presence, at one point the were 8 of on the UK server. Fly the Flag, Arf arf.

Monday Jan 4th
Bah! Back to work today. Pants. Jaki and Fear had Two games with a couple of the GCC Yesterday. One Crown and've forgotten. Anyway, Smeg came out on top, both games. Well done you blokes. Thats all, crappy Monday, Oh..BTW.. I'll try and do Episode 5 of The Chimpinators this week.

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