News Archive 15
Monday Feb 15th
Here's a nice one my mate sent me. Those of you who are married will know exactly what this is all about. Thanks to Jim Tyler, who lives in the techno-wastelands of Ozark, Alabama, for the mail.

A husband and wife were getting all snugly in bed. The passion was heating up, when the wife stopped and said "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

The husband 'said': "WHAT?"

The wife then explained that, obviously: "You must not be in tune with my emotional needs ... as a woman ... "

The husband realized that nothing was going to happen that night and he might as well deal with it.

The next day the husband took her shopping at Harrods. He walked around and had her try on three very expensive outfits, and, then, told his wife to take all three of them. Next, they went over and got matching shoes at $300 a pair. Next, they went over and got a matching purse costing $700. Next, they went over and got matching coat and gloves weighing in at well over $3,000. Next, they went to the lingerie department and got a dozen camisoles and slips and bras and panties and silk stockings. Finally, they went to the Jewelry Dept. The wife was so excited, she seized a diamond and gold tennis bracelet. The husband said: "You don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."

The wife was jumping up and down so was excited! She could not even believe what was going on! Finally, she exclaimed: "I am ready, let's go to the cash register."

The husband said, "No - no - no. Honey, we're not going to BUY all this stuff."

The wife's face went blank.

"No, honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face turned bright red, veins popped out on the sides of her head, her eyes bulged out, her jaw torqued to several hundred foot-pounds, and, she was about to explode.

He smiled and said: "You must not be in tune with my financial needs ... as a man ... "

I thought my Boss was a bastard, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is a bastard, too ... but at least I respect him.

Sunday Feb 14th
We won again, it cant last.

Smeg 2 VC 0.

Nice bunch of guys. Smeg is now top of the BZF ladder. So on it goes. I hear that the Covern of Warlocks want us now. That is gonna be a tough on. I'll keep you posted.

For all you mag fans, here is a file to drop into your "addons" folder. It quietens that aweful racket fully charged mags make. Mag Muffler

Sunday Feb 14th
We have a new member. I know, I know I said 20 was it, but he does n't like chimps, likes Python and follows the shoe. How could we say no? Still on probation mind, best bib and tucker for {SMEG}~Crabber

TO ARMS !!!!

VC request the pleasure of a rumble tonight @ 23:00 GMT on the UK server, if you are interested, get there 15 mins earlier to agree the format of the games. Those who you who have n't played yet can have first refusal.

Friday Feb 12th
A bumper episode of "The Chimpinators" is out today Episode Six : "Run for it!". Thought I'd give you all a treat as I am on hols this week to make up for some of the past delays. I hope you like it :o)

Well here you go, a quick and easy way to make you're own Trekkie chair, as used by James T Stirk. Aka Smeg Upuaut. Link Trekkie chair
  1. Acquire an old office, swivel-chair and remove to your home.
  2. Retreive your TV/Video controls from down the back of your chair/sofa.
  3. Superglue the remotes to the arms of the chair (click on picture)
  4. Start up the very sad "fying stars" screen saver.
  5. Ask Uncle Fearee for something to help you on you on your "journey".
  6. Fix your gaze on the screen and wait for "The launch".
  7. Occasionly pound the remotes shouting out "I need more power, We don't have 30 minutes, Sulu, get us out of here", etc., whilst rocking the chiar violently from side to side.
  8. Finish up by falling asleep and missing vital inter-clan rumbles

Thursday Feb 11th
Well, I'm just about done with the site update. There was some really bad lag last night. Here is a shot of me taken with the on-board camera, and you can see there is some severe warping going on. No smartarse, as a matter of fact, I don't normally look like that actually.
Tomorrow I'll show you how to make your very own Star-Trek chair. A must for all you sad Sci-Fi dweebs.

Wednesday Feb 11th
Still plowing through the pages as it's still freezing out.I found some mistakes here and there, but mostly I'm trying to get some uniformity across the site, as there are quite a few pages now.Don't be concerned if some of you find your pages are not done yet, they will be in time. I've done about half of them today. trying to make them all look a more snappy :o)

I nearly burnt the kitchen out this morning. I got a packet of those lil' mini pizza-baguette thingys. The packet said 7 mins. Hah! I went down to the kitchen 4 mins later and I could n't see across the room. I turned off the microwave and opened the windows. When I opened the door to the microwave it was just like a formula one car blowing it's engines at full whack. There was this brilliant white smoke/steam pouring out all over the shop. What's worse it smells lite cat pee. Wifey tells me we got a turbo oven and it only needed one minute thirty. Brilliant, now she tells me. Fekk, how am I gonna cope when she cant cook later on, I can't even work the shaggin' microwave : (

Tuesday Feb 9th
Heh, y'all take a look through the rip in the side of this TSF rocket tank. It confirms what we thought all along. Just goes to show, you mess with smeg, you wind up dead. Well not really, they're just resting, pining for some 'nanas.. Tired after a long drawn out eeeek. Still If I was them, I'd get a leg on. Gee, I really lurve photoshop!
"Direct Hit"
Link to Direct hit

Click Thumbnail

Monday Feb 8th
As you can see, I have been spiffing up our logo a little, as part of the tidying up I shall be doing over the next fewdays. Not because I really sad, but because the weather,s too crap to go out in my rag-top. Also spare a thought for the poor Mr Fear who is stuck up in Darkest Angus for weeks on end. Ha ha, I have become a life-line. *Clears throut* "Ahem, and now some messages for our friends in...." Luv it.

BTW, DSF, Jaki and I are gonna come and getcha! We got kicked out a "Crown" and called cheats and hackers, 'cos we magged the crap outta them. *sigh* it's only a game, grrrrrrrrrr ^..^
New "Shot of the week" out today. This time its the turn of Mr Nice himself, Brum Brum, to take a bow. Well,there's a bit of his bow left anyway, arf arf. Link to Shot of the week

Do n't forget this is your clan too, if you have got any contributions send them to me!

That's all for now, drop me a line

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