News Archive 19

Wednesday April 14th
Soz , I got a real shit cold again. I have also been watching my Stevie Ray Vaughan, "Live at El Mocambo" video, as I have been neglecting my guitar for far too long, I was in need of some inspiration.

The day this bloke died a great light went out around the world. Soz again, but the other axe nut (Fear, whom I spoke today for the first time :) promised he was gonna go and get this and watch it.

I'l try and do another Chimpinators episode this weekend. Apologies again for the lack of any good stuff.

Monday April 12th
Smeg 2........... 3F 1..... Well we won last night. It was a nightmare. 2 hours to get through it all due lost cons. If Mr 3fJawZz is reading, I am here to tell you we don't cheat, and dont take kindly to being called cheats either, joking or not.

My game with fear was a pile of doo, I accidently entered the game in a Grendal, as you know the old select thingy lags behind a bit.

The Finns won there game and me and Fear got the decider, which was the best game of the night for us as Nutters and Hemi are gents.

A wee rest for a few days methinks :)

Sunday April 11th
This from Up's, some funny windows errors. tm

I want to see a win tonight too.

Saturday April 10th
Well it's the weekend thank God. It's been a long week (all 4 working days of it) Works PC has been shagged for ages and I finally get a engineer in yesterday which keeps me in town late on a Friday. Tremendo.

Meanwhile Bang Bang's back in town, he's been crawling around the Paris Metro for ages doing things with CCTV. Perhaps I sould have given him a wave when I was there :)

Netherlands server is giving some real good pings (170) last night. Really worth nipping over there if we are just doing a game amoungst ourselves methinks. I should be around most of the weekend.

Here's a funny

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London)
Dear Sir,I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or to the office. We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in public places.
They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result in the farmers being forced to grow smaller potatoes, which in turn will cause massive unemployment in the already severely depressed agricultural industry. Yours faithfully,

Capt. Quinton D'Arcy, J. P. Sevenoaks

Thursday April 8th
I could make some comment about todays events in Kosovo here, but I wont. My opinions are my own, when you get older you become burdensome. IE we grow up. In these dark times of war in Europe and all the other attendant blues that travel the world it is nice to reflect on some of the better aspects of humanity.

Here is young Sasha Menzies (Gavner's pride and Joy). kinda restores your faith dont it. Congrats again you 2 :)

Wednesday April 7th
Report form special agent Upuaut. TNT clan were commiting pilotcide last night and when our hero questioned them about this poor show he was told "shut the f**k up". So be aware we have some poor sports here. It maybe they are still smarting from the drubbing Ups and I dished out to them a few nights ago.

Tuesday April 6th

Yeah yeah, I know, It's my first day back at work and I aint in the mood for PC stuff. I know the next episode of Chimpinators is late, I know the news needs archiving. I also know I am still shagged form the viral infection I had last week, gimme a break , huh.

Now the good news. Uncle Fearie has sorted out his PC and is back in action (when he gets home at the week ends).

I really can't be arsed to do any more. PS I didn't get one single Birthday prezzie. Oh IG are organising a "for real " BZ party for the summer!!!! See BZF for details. Outt

Monday April 5th
It's our Birthday!

So so good. A year old and still going strong. My thanks to you all for making it a fun outfit.

From some of the actions and conversations I had with the new guys last night it's obvious that they need to go read the ettiquette guidelines on our joining page and the BZF recommended rules of conduct.

One simply does not keep ejecting and shooting up empty tanks! Further if you don't know which weapons you are being hit with and how to drop navs, then you aint ready for ladder matches yet. Any of the more experienced players will be pleased to help out.

I repeat go read the guidelines. If you must go in and make a prick of yourself, DO NOT use the SMEG jacket. I am not interested in "It was n't me it was me mate" It's your responsiblity to look after your "Handle"

Remember I did say that membership is not irreversible.

Thats all I am going to say, now lets get back to the fun!

Sunday April 4th
A rare picture of The Guardians of the Great Temple Of The Shoe taken as the Great pointy Magga wards off a VC Great baller. The vain attempt to employ the red field and Phantom VIR fools not the keepers of the Shoe.
You just gotta take a look at You call me sad????

Happy Birthday Capt Mo.

Once again the Captain inches ahead in the "oldest fart in the clan" ratings (if not in the whole of the BZ community).

I have been reading about this Melissa macro virus. It's not very nice at all. Those of you who use outlook are especially vunerable. There is some interesting info about it at in the alerts bit. I 've signed up to their mailing list so anything use ful I'll pass on.

Hey "A-G" hows the battlecom project doing?

I was talking with Fear last night. BZ still wont run the 3D, other games will run. Odd
Saturday April 3rd
3F Ladder match is postponed due to lack of 3F bodies. Provisionally it will be on Sunday 11th April 18:30 GMT (19:30 BST). Unless I hear otherwise

Wahay look who's just come back. {SMEG}~Crow has fixed his PC so he moves back into the "Active" roster. He is another founder member. Good to see him back, he says hi to all.

I also got a message from {SMEG}~ShenazzyAsking me to put a link to his site, there a link to his pages on his member's page

Bearing in mind the nasties that have got some of us in the past year I am going to put this disclaimer on relevant pages as a reminder. Says it all really.

Note from TAZ. I accept no responsiblity for any content downloaded from my site and any sites linked to my website. There are no direct links individual files at with "active" content or exe files etc. This is for the protection of all, as you are aware. files can be intercepted, infected and/or corrupted.

This might interest some of you guys who want to keep ahead of the nasty ppl

I got a message from Fearie. HIs PC got shagged by the Marburg virus, thats one that infects .exe's . Anyway, he's on the road to recovery and for all the folks who helped him out he asked me to post this:


Twas the day my computer ran faster than ever b4 - straight into a brick wall! seriously i have had some major problems but thanx to my m8's I am hopefuly on the road to recovery

BIG cheers to Jaks, Ups, Brum ,Claymor, Blitzwing and esp. TAZ

Without u lot my techno-fear would have swamped me and left me drowning in a sea of despair

Pass the tissues coz im gonna cry

Luv ya all


Well Np, thats what mates are for

Friday April 2nd
Smeggie Easter everyone.

I am told when women get pregnant they become forgetful. Well wifey forgot to take some bath towels out of the washing machine. It was the final load she did last Saturday. Eeeeuuwwwwww. They smell like a municiple changing room at the public baths.

Uncle Fearie tells me he's broken his PC, doh BZ withdrawal, eeeeeek.

Heh just for a wee break I've been playing the ol' Dune2000, funneeee.

Thursday April 1st
Happy Birthday BagPuss.

Weather's too good to be a mouse potato, hence no news yesterday. Def a day for the rag-top :) Mind you I stayed at home until after Midday today. There's a whole load of ppl who would like to catch me out with an april fool. I mean, it's not as if I'm always taking the piss.... Ha ha ha.. Ohh yes indeed.

I got a new bio from Up's today and it reminded me why I lobbed my copy of Front Page in the bin. Loads of redundant inserts cluttering up the code. Anyway all better now. Nice amusing pic of the awesome Bluntblade "1.0" in action. If any of you want me to update your pages just email me the text and I'll paste it in.

Small point about the ladder matches. I have always said I the guys that did n't play in the previous matches shoud get first place in the next games. That does n't mean however, that if you hav n't been around for weeks, or even months, that you can just show up for ladder matches and take priority over those guys who have been faithfully "flying the flag" day in and day out. Just trying to keep a balance. It's difficult to keep everyone happy.

What I am trying to say is there has to be a bit of give and take here. Lately I have seen very little of Bang Bang, Deathmaster, Crabber and Marky. No mail for ages either, just gimme a shout nd let me know if your OK, pretty please. Alternativly the "AFK" list could get a little bigger and the "Active" list a lil shorter :)

Tuesday March 28th
3F Ladder match will be this Sunday 4th April 18:30 GMT (19:30 BST).

Ok here's a couple of useful URS's. First from BagPuss and Jaki the news that there is a new version of battlecom out. Get it from

Secondly there's a useful bit at This gives details on how to get a freeserve account with out using the CD. This way there's no potential problems stuffing up your IE, etc etc.You only really need one file on the CD and you can get it from here, it's only 0.6kb too. I actually did it this morning.

I did n't run the dial up script, I just used the info in it to manully configure a DUN. Mind you I could n't get the BZ servers to show. I'm just off to do my mail client now.

Typical, I just finished the site overhaul today and now Ups tells me he's gonna send me a new Bio. Well you know Uncle Tazzy'll do anything for abit of attention.

Monday March 29th
Arrrrgh. I got competition. Brum Brum has started his own website!!! The Brumhole

So I thought it was time to spiff up the pages again.

Also there's a new Shot of the Month out today. Sorry Fear, at the risk of being accused of picking on you cos your small, you get to be famous this month :) Link to Shot of the Month

Sunday March 28th
God so much going on today I hardly know where to start, so I 'll do the items in the order they came in.

Ahem, er we came second again last night in the DVX ladder match. It was one game all, Fear and Upuaut won theirs and me and Mo lost. ( I got disconnected too, bugger) The final game with Gavner and Alien was a 20 - 19 win to DVX. Close eh ?

3F want to have a go next and as soon as we agree on a date I'll let you know.

We are back up to 20 "active" member again. Our old chum Fungu has decided to jump in with us at last, and before anyone who is waiting jumps at me, this spot has been reserved for ages, so booo to you. So if you see {SMEG}~Fungu , it's for real. Flag is in the smegflags directory.

I received the following mail from BZF HQ today. Looks like Col F. loves a lot of work :) best of luck to him.


Thank you all for your participation in the BZF. To those of you I have faced in combat, thankyou for not hurting my boys too badly, to those I have yet to face, make some challenges, play some matches.

As you are probably aware by now, I am hoping to organise a tournament for BZF members in the (nearish) future. My thinking so far is that we make it open to as many people from as many BZF members as possible and run it like this :

Running the competition at an agreed time, for a fixed period, we will open 2 rooms on US2 (or wherever, as long as it is fairly empty) the first room will contain three officials of the BZF (volunteers?) who will keep the scores and arbitrate if need be. The second room will contain everyone and anyone who wants to play (as long as they are BZF members).

Any type of game would be permitted, and people can challenge each other at will in the second room. Then, following the end of each match the result should be reported to the officials, the combatants may then go and play another match if they choose to.

Obviously large clans are going to play more matches than lonewolves, but that won't make a difference since we will be scoring the whole event on a percentage basis - so a clan that play 10 games and wins 5 will come out below a lonewolf who plays 3 games and wins 2.

After the event has finished we grade the participants according to their percentage, with the top ranked lonewolf or clan getting +5 added to their current ladder streak, the lowest ranked getting -5 added to theirs, with a scaling number of "streak" points added to all those in between.

This system would mean that all participants, be they clan or lonewolf, only need one person to show up in order to compete, and people can come and go as they please. It would make for a fine evening's entertainment.

The above system is only my idea of how to run such an event, and anyone with a better idea is more than welcome to submit it. However, please reply to this invitation so we can get the event organised.

Thank you

Colonel Failure Vacuum Clan

PS I am happy to work on the referees/score keepers panel if need be.

I got this mail from Jaki and Bagpuss, which explains why JC superstar has n't been around all week

Jaki here :) - We've got this Celeron 450 up and running with a Riva TNT gfx card. I guess you'll see Bag around before you see me, as after buying new parts and a new case for my machine- it transpires that the motherboard is shagged. It wont run at 100mhz bus without really stinking. Its gonna be checked out next week and hopefully replaced for free.

I will see you when I see you.

Pass on congrats to Gav et Wifey.

Bag wants to know if you have any clues why the fonts appear chunky and cropped on BZ with a TNT

card - weve got the latest drivers and upgrades - wierd one that !

Sounds like a job for Super-Ups. Coming soon from a phone booth near you.

For additional help see
OK now its down to the nitty gritty. Ori has sent me a truly remarkable pic. This is without doubt the best "gross" picture I have seen so far.I am still laughing at it. Be warned, do not click to go to the larger pic if vomit upsets you.

Link Industrial Barff
Click thumbnail for full size Industrial Barff. If you do decide to have a look then the following points are noteworthy.
The perpetrators neck muscles stretched to breaking point. I mean he's really going for it!
Food (tachos?) particles preceding the copious fluid emission.
Failure of the nasal safty valve.

Saturday March 27th

Brilliant news! To Craig (Gavner) and Nastasia a healthy baby boy.

Alexander Thomas Menzies.

Congrats from us all, you beat me and Paula to it. We still have another 4 months to run.

I forgot to mention that the DVX rumble is on the American server tonight. Pity. As usual firstcome first served and those who did nt play last time get 1st refusal..

Also, remember BST starts tomorrow.

Do n't forget this is your clan too, if you have got any contributions send them to me!

That's all for now, drop me a line

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