News Archive 20

Saturday May 1st
Bugger! Alien and I lost to MOD 2 ..0.. last night. Bloody sucky gome I had. Bring on the VC. Redemption time.

Upuaut is out collecting his 2.6 V W Fanny magnet today. Paradoxically the inherent testicular detatchmentassociated with the driving of these vehicles may inhibit the execution of the purpose for which it was acquired.

I mean be careful m8

I also hear rumours that TEMPO stores are going to do a free ISP on an 0800 number during off peak time. I,ll keep you posted.
Animated bomber image
Friday April 30th
Have n't had this animation on the page for ages, votes as to whether it comes back please :)
Thursday April 29th
You may find the link to the forum does n't work.

Some funnies for ya. Spesh the 'puter nutters


SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming LanguageEnvironment. This language, developed at the Hanover College forTechnological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write codewith errors in it. The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN,END and STOP. No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't makea syntax error. Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. Thusthey achieve the results of programs written in other languages withoutthe tedious, frustrating process of testing and debugging.


This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence ofan "S" in its character set; users must substitute "TH". LITHP is saidto be useful in protheththing lithtth.


SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler.Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while theycompile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick thecoffee. Forty-three programmers are known to have died of boredomsitting at their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program tocompile. Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related (butinfinitely faster) language, COCAINE.


Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is anextremely unstructured language. Statements in SARTRE have no purpose;they just are. Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their ownfunctions. SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed, and areno fun at parties.


This language was named for the grade received by its creator when hesubmitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class. C- isbest described as a "low-level" programming language. In fact, thelanguage generally requires more C- statements than machine-codestatements to execute a given task. In this respect, it is verysimilar to COBOL.


FIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data typesrefer to quantity. The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, andJIGGER to FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM andBLOTTO. Commands refer to ingredients such as CHABLIS, CHARDONNAY,CABERNET, GIN, VERMOUTH, VODKA, SCOTCH, and WHATEVERSAROUND.The many versions of the FIFTH language reflect the sophistication andfinancial status of its users. Commands in the ELITE dialect includeVSOP and LAFITE, while commands in the GUTTER dialect include HOOTCHand RIPPLE. The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmerswho end up using this language.

And for the "real world"

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approachingtrain.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't getmuch sleep.

May is coming....

Wednesday April 28th
I just had a brief email from Brum to the effect that BMR are having a rough time. Certainly there forum makes for grim reading at the moment. We wish them good luck and hope that they get over their present difficulties soon. Stick with it Chuck. BMR is one of best.

Forum server seems to be down, scramble the clan alpha geek!!!!!!

Meanwhile here is a salutory lesson in premature Solar Flare activation. It seems that these two were so engrossed in chimping off at their opponants they destroyed their bobcats and singed their own butts. Will they never give up ???

Tuesday April 27th
Well finally, the next episode of "The Chimpinators" is out.Episode 8, WTFsome more of your clan mates make their debut in this latest frolic.

Monday April 26th
This has to be one of the best ever (from my mates PC review mag). I swear I had no input into this. It was an advert for something. Tremendo, what ?

Sunday April 25th
I had some more questions about HTML writing, prompted by BagPuss, who has finally chucked his Frontpage98in the bin as well. Some of you have recieved a tutorial from me which I got from the people below. So if you are interested in web stuff I recommend a peek at their site.

Maricopa Center for Learning and Instruction (MCLI)
Maricopa Community Colleges, Arizona

The reports I have read about IE5 are encoraging and it seems to be working fine on the works machine. Itis a bit leaner and loads pages more quicley than IE4. Hopefully it will be left alone now and we can write stuffthat will remain industry standard.

Here is a shot of me when I was in Florida responding to a seabourne Chimp incursion. Fortunatly my good friends had a Dual-Mag equiped Seadoo and the threat was swiftly countered.

Saturday April 24th
Well we got a Smeg Forum at last. Muchos thanks to Ups for all the work and the loan of a host.It is up and running at

Soon as I get a minute I'll do a link from all the pages.
Thursday April 22nd
Arf arf, heh, the Taz has got a new flag Not bad for only 64 by 32 I thought.

The other (more interesting) news is that we are very close to getting our own forum. My thanks (yet again, this is getting a habit) to Upuaut for the use of a server to host the CGI script. In case you are not aware , this is the only way you can host a forum, cant do it on Demon without having a commercial account, All together BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I am that close to kicking them into to touch. I was on the phone to Ups today at the exact instant we both saw Demon dump us. Now that is a coincidence ???

Wednesday April 21st
Had a couple of mails from some MIA's. Firstly The Puss says that he is stil tying to gethis PC fixed and that he should be back by the weekend.Secondly, Bang Bang has also had probs and he reckons he should be back next week sometime, he also (quite rightly) gave me some stick for being late with the next episode of The Chimpinators.

Fear and I have issued some challanges on the forum, as yet no response to mine, but Fear will be cracking heads on Friday night. Good Luck M8.

Monday April 19th
Oooh look, I just noticed we broke the 5000 hits mark over the weekend.

Sunday April 18th
Um, Me and Fear had an "instant" game with Nuttski and Hemi tonight, which we won. However good tastedictates that I make no claim for a ladder victory as we have not formally adopted the auto accept protocol and it was one game only.Doubly so as I am uncertain if 3F have also signed up for auto punch ups.

Good game none the less.

Saturday April 17th
Bah, I went out to get some more speakers for the 4 point ias stuff. Wifey came, took ages.However, I did see this, I suppose you get 3 balls for a quid and have to knock a Dr Martens of a coconut type thingy. I was too thirsty to examine it further. I am now back from the pub and too unstable to attempt anything. Speakers will have to wait. By the way Killie did Newcastle win ???
Shoe Fare image
Thursday April 15th
Wahoo. I've just been to the Tott Crt Road and bought a 256 Live 4 point card (thats the real one,not the scabii lil "value" card btw.) Day at home tomorrow methinks. It cost me 5 quid lees than the Dabs price too :)

Do n't forget this is your clan too, if you have got any contributions send them to me!

That's all for now, drop me a line

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