News Archive 22

Monday May 31st
Well what a weekend. Four ladder matches played and we only lost one. Well done! It should make the ladder look quite impressive.

My mapmaking skills are advancing apace and the first one will be out soon. Look forward to your "It sucks" mail. Seriously, It looks like I got the hang of it now and suggestions for levels are welcome. No raves on this one, plenty of hills, alleys and holes (even a waterfall) . More than one mag too, cos its a big map. Look out for the alien bolt mines too :)

Hopefully be out by mid week.
Saturday May 30th
We won the CW match 2 : 1, they seemed ok to me, just shows best to take ppl as you find them. Sadly The game I was in was a little spoilt as I lost my partner 15 minutes into a 30 min Pyramid. The remaining 15 mins was very hard work, CW Demon was very elusive. I think it was bloody hard work and I was lucky. Makes a change :)

"Yorkshire men abed this eve will hold their manhood cheap and think themselves accursed that they were not here, this Not-St Chrispains Day"

Apologies to the bard

Saturday May 29th
Sorry about the lack of news. Wifeys been a bit crook. Ok now tho :) I am having a lot of trouble with connections, so bare with me. I can't see how I can play tomorrow, cos I keep getting dropped. Seems to be the time of day. It's 10:00 Saturday morning as I write this and no probs so far. Anyway Demon are getting the bullet, so look out for a new URL for the site over the coming weeks.

Wednesday May 26th
Ok the game with CW is set up for Sun May 30th 2000 BST (1900 GMT) US2 server (groan). Below is a snip from a mail conversation I had with Ghostmaker (GM), seems cordial enough. So lets approach this one with an open mind, to date we have had no dealings with CW, so I see no reason to go into the games with any preconceptions. We shall see what we shall see :)

GM: 3 on 3 for Dm's and 2 on 2 for strat. There's nothing to iron-out. I did a copy and paste from my strat division officers email. Now what happened in the dvx games is a lot of rules were all of a sudden bought up right before the matches. This caused a great deal of confusion.

TAZ: Tell me about it, this why the instant challenge thing appeals, bout the only thing we do that might upset some folk is the ol' dual mag combo. Too bad , they can always do the same, still I wont resurrect that old chestnut.

GM: So if there is any rules you would like to see such as no mines :} or no dual mags etc let me know.

TAZ: No, the mine thing is as per BZF, fine for retreating actions etc., as far as we are concerned. We made up a general code up when we started a year ago. It's at if you care to take a look. It's very similar to the BZF thing, which is no surprise. GM: As of now were just playing a straight BZF rule game.

TAZ: Works for us :)

GM: Could we do the 30 min for dms though so the guys get a chance to get there feet wet. 20 min sounds a bit short.

TAZ: NP, also you might want to play longer on the strat game.

GM: Please do take the CWs at face value were just a bunch of gamers of all ages that like to game, God knows we lose some and we win some {shit happens}

TAZ: NP also

GM: So to sum it up were looking for a night of fun with no unpleasant things happening win or lose..

TAZ: Ditto

GM: P.S. pacman map While your there check out some of the other maps. we got them all.

TAZ: See you there, anything else, drop me a line. L8r Taz^..^

So there you have it. 2 Dm's. One Colli and One Maggamid. 30 mins each. One strat on the Pacman map, Killie and Ups if you can do 8 pm Sun, can you decide how long (if any time limit is relevent) you think is reasonable. That's about the last thing left to decide. Good luck all.

Tuesday May 25th
Um, We need 2 strat people as CW want to play a strat and 2 dm's. This is an improvement on the convoluted match they first proposed.

I have to email them to confirm the time and date Prob Sunday sometime. They want to play on US2, which has never gone well for us, still, who cares :)

More soon.

Monday May 24th
Enuff pics for now, here's some funny stuff for all you Star Wars anoraks

The First Partial List of Star Wars Toy Prototypes Which Failed Miserably
By Micah Wright, copyright July 21, 1994
  1. "Luke in Bactine Tank" A favorite scene from "Empire" recreated in miniature, complete with a removable diaper for Luke. Unfortunately, it was found that the glowing bactine wash posed a radioactive health hazard for tykes.
  2. "Missile Hand Luke" Luke doll with a special lever on his back which causes his artificial hand to shoot off at 25 mph. Manufacturers recalled it when hands started finding their way into eyeballs, windpipes, and other orifices.
  3. "Exploding Death Star" Potential radiation burn/shrapnel hazard, which did not keep kids from recreating the scene with their own "normal" Death Star and a few M-60's.
  4. "Incredible Shavable Han Solo" Sprouted real hair; failed miserably when tested on real kids.
  5. "Dissect An Ewok Kit" The deal was off when Play-doh pulled out at the last minute.
  6. "Nit-laden Chewbacca" Concept behind this was that kids would enjoy picking nits off of a large, furry Chewbacca. Didn't do well, since it came with real nits which quickly spread to other parts of the house.
  7. The Ugnaught figures made from Genetically altered mice.
  8. Emperor Palpatine Doll/Tesla Coil. Hey kids, real lightning! Kill your enemies! Nixed due to obvious danger of children accidentally running up huge power bills.
  9. Full scale working Death Star Kit. Built one fully working model, but it was destroyed. They were halfway finished with their second when it too was destroyed. Plans were scrapped to build any more.
  10. Darth Vader Funeral Pyre. They couldn't figure out how to make a character who had been 4 inches tall and thin into a character 2.5 inches tall and fat as a slug once you removed his helmet. Also a problem with the fact that it only worked once.
  11. Aunt Beru doll. Nixed as just plain stupid. A huge loss to those fans of Bok Choi and blue Kool-aid out there.
  12. "Real-Guts" Tauntaun. Also referred to as "The Visible Tauntaun." Once you pulled off the skin, you could see all the internal organs. Much like real tauntauns, it stank to high heaven. Other problem: Like similar toy "The Visible Man," Visible Tauntaun's organs never went back in right and you were always left with an extra organ or two.
  13. "Learn the Force At Home" Kit. Included self-hypnosis training tapes and rocks to lift. Recalled after thousands of children with no strong parental figure turned to the Dark Side, killing their parents and saying things like "You are part of the Rebel Alliance and you did not make me the type of sandwich that I like!" while strangling them from across the room.
  14. "Fun Fusion Grenade." Seen in the exciting throneroom scene in Return of the Jedi where a disguised Leia holds it up to bluff out Jabba the Hutt. Problem was, the kids didn't understand the concept of a fusion grenade and would often actually detonate it while trying to bluff their parents into extending their bedtime.
  15. "Mr. Hutt-Head." A Mr. Potato Head ripoff which had a Jabba body and a series of switchable heads with the faces of famous fat people. See Rush The Hutt, Willard The Hutt, John Candy The Hutt, etc. Nixed when famous fat people got angry at being identified with Pizza Hutt. (they just didn't get it).
  16. Dead Admiral Doll. Well, Vader killed so many Admirals in the three movies that figured that there should be a doll. Problem was, he couldn't be posed and would always fall over in a heap. Kids decided they could fake it with a normal Admiral doll and chose not to purchase this no-spined rubbery thing.
  17. Roller Disco Cloud City Worker. Roller Disco went out of fashion, so the skakes were cut off and the hair removed, and thus the figure was converted to Lando's Pal Lobot with the weird headphones.
  18. Voices of the Dead Driving Headset. The voice of Ben Kenobi helps You drive around town. "Watch out for the brown van, Luke!" "The light is about to turn green, Luke!" Actually a great help for drivers, but failed on the market due to the fact that not very many people are named Luke, and no one likes a back seat driver.
  19. Talking Stormtroopers. Pull a string on their chest and they would say things like "There's one, set for stun!" or "Look Sir, Droids!" During production the voiceboxes got switched with talking Barbie. The stormtroopers ended up saying things like: "Gosh, maths is so hard!" and "Let's Go Shopping!" while Barbie barked out "What do you mean, radiation leak?"
  20. Speaking of Radiation Leaks, the best toy of all: The Death Star Detention center. Eventually it was toned down to two lame rooms in the 4-story death star playset, but it was originally conceived of as a set all to itself, with rooms such as "bullshit communications center" where you try to talk your way out of tight fixes with such lies as "oh, weapons misfire." The hallway of harmless light: fifty stormtroopers pump bolts of laser fire down the hall where you and your four friends have no harm done to you, even though you have no cover to speak of. The best part about the detention center was that it included some cool dolls: "torture/interrogation droid," "giggling Moff Tarkin doll," and "flayed flesh Leia," not to mention "stupid gullible guard" doll. Eventually stopped by because the playtesting kids were getting a little too into the torture room. Fearful of breeding a generation of Salvadorean Death Squads, they pulled the plug on this toy.

Reasons Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic
  • Titanic's big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
  • Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.
  • Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
  • Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material;
  • Rose is just marriage bait.
  • Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
  • When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it.
  • It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
  • Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
  • Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
  • We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
  • People have not lost their lives trying to recreate scenes from Star Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.
  • Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hut.
  • Two words: John Williams.
  • There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
  • Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"?
  • If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
  • "I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
  • Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
  • We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated "Luke. I am your father"?
  • Han Solo would've missed the dang iceberg!

You might be a Redneck Jedi if.....
  • You ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
  • Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
  • You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
  • At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
  • You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
  • You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
  • The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
  • Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
  • You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
  • You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
  • Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark'll be a hoot."
  • You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
  • You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
  • You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
  • Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
  • You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
  • You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
  • You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
  • If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

An error? Imposssible! My modem is error-correcting.

Do n't forget this is your clan too, if you have got any contributions send them to me!

Back to Top of Page