News Archive 24
Sunday Nov14th

We have a new member Phatrack , Welcome aboard.
Sunday Nov7th

A big pat on the back for all those of us who took part in the 3rd BZF Tournement. We finished as runners-up, no mean achievement, and one I am very happy with.

Reproduced below for posterity are the final details from the BZF site.

The Battlezone Tournament

Wow. That's all I can say. What an amazing 12 hours that turned out to be.

My sincere thanks go out to all those who took part and kept their cool on a server that could have been a little less laggy. Thanks also to the core of referees, Fear+Loathing, Vxper, Silverwing, Upuaut, Rogue and Omnicron who stepped up and carried the tournament throughout it's 12 hour stint.

At the start of the tournament it looked very much like the number of games played record was going to be shattered, and although the number was the highest yet there was a more even number of people on the server throughout, rather than it spiking during "prime time". This was quite helpful since although the server lag was pretty rough at times the whole thing didn't collapse.

From the very start it was looking like a two horse race, with both The Dark Side and Clan SMEG playing everyone and anyone while winning a large proportion along the way. Right up until the end either side had the potential to walk away with the title, but it turned out when the results were tallied that The Dark Side had managed to win a considerable number of matches to win the competition, with Clan SMEG coming in a worthy second, and Dark Spire Clan finishing 3rd overall.

BZF newcomers Nether Regions suprised quite a few people with their good play and great sportsmanship and managed to come in a very commendable 4th place, ahead of Cosmic Warriors and another newcomer Zion in 5th and 6th.

All the referees I have spoken to have said that this was the best tournament so far and the small disputes that occurred were very easily solved thanks to some great help from the players involved.

The new system of scoring as suggested by Patton of the Northwind Highlanders amongst others seems to have worked well, and although the top two clans both played the most matches (49) they also achieved a high percentage of wins. Obviously, had we used the same system as last time there would have been a different victor, but with more people playing just for the sake of getting a good game rather than to carefully win every single match I would say that this system is by far better.

The next tournament? December 11th. A month away so you have plenty of time to get some practise in.
Colonel Failure
BZF Administrator.

Tuesday Sept 21st

We have two new members. Formally of "FREE" Informer and ][v][ugshot . It's odd that SMEG seems so attractive to the Finns. This brings the total of our Suomi bro's to 4 and Mugshot is our first Dutchman. The members page now looks like the United Nations. He he

This makes the "Active" roster look a little healthier. The guys tell me that they are going to give us 100% support and we look forward to scrapping with them. Welcome aboard.

Saturday Sept18th

Been kinda busy with the lil one :) A few things for the coming weeks. Fistly Fear is on hols 2 two weeks as of tomorrow. Secondly I have almost finished the most recent episode of chimpinators, so that should be out soon.

I also will get around to sorting out the members list. Those ppl that I have 'nt heard from in ages will be removed from the members page. I will keep their pages on the server and if they re-display some firm commitment then they may be reinstated. We will might think about accepting a few ppl that are know to us and have displayed a smeggie kind od affinity. I do not propose we open the flood gates. m8s first as always. So far I have 3 ppl displaying interest that might wish to come along.Two of these are know to me and seem ok.

If any of you have any suggestions then let me know.

Thigs have been pretty quiet in BZ in general, so I am not too worried about the clan being queitish at the moment. We should do a few more challenges, perhaps ?

Also some advanced warning, I shall be away from Oct 3rd for a week. I am off to Amsterdam (work) for a week. Hopefully I shall meet up ith Gi Joe and friends. Also a piss up with Steam powered is on the cards. I discovered he only lives about 10 miles from me :) Looking forward to that.

Lastly, incredible as it may seen Capt Mo's lil boy is a year old tomorrow. Happy Birthday Aaron. My lil Alex is almost 12 lb now after only 5 weeks and 60cm tall. He's gona be a big boy. Talk to you all later.

Thursday Aug 12th

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!

At last at 10:42 pm today, 8lbs 3oz and 2 days late. Alexander Stephen John Hayward decided to come out into the wide world.Here he is 10 minutes old with my wonderful wife, the expression says it all.My thanks to all of you who sent us your good wishes. The proud dad is a little relieved (as well as being a lil' tired.

Can anyone tell me where I can download The Hotpoint V3.05 patch thatmakes the washing machine work by itself. Similar patches are sought for Hoover, Neff, etc, Oh and I need one of those auto- iron the shirt gadgets as well.

I am feeling a little confused, brb fridge

Saturday Aug 7th

Well, I new it would happen. I used frames and Java. Now look whats happened to me.

Darth Taz. Arrrrghhhhh, the darkside.

Wednesday Aug 4
Been a while since I reported anything that would n't normally be covered on the forum, so here goes.

As you can see I have overhauled the site and made a few changes. Ups says I have crossed over the the "Dark side" cos I got frames on the go now. Maybe, but it's still all basic HTML, with a bit of DHTML for the "hovers" thrown in,

All the clever stuff is done in the browser, so it should n't be any slower. The first attempt upset Netscape, but that seems to be ok now. I hope you like it.

Saturday July 24th
Well it seems Fear has a fellow countryman in our happy crew now. Target Practise (formally of APO, VC, SSH)is now a member after deliberation amongst the elders of the shoe. Again this exception is a because he is well known and cares more about a laff than being No1. Seems like the SSH are not very active. All you 12 and unders can forget it.

The other (good) news is me rag-top got through the MOT today, so I've been out cooking me brain in the sun today.Too nice to stay indoors, even with free phone connects.

Thursday July 15th
After a meeting of the 7 it was agreed thatZacke (formally of WW)should be admitted to the clan. This is not a precident and the cautious approach to admissions will continue. I have known Zacke since the early days, he is a good player, but as you know we are n't really too worried about that. I had a chat with him last night and found out a bit more which really clinched it. Welcome aboad. Smeg runs pretty close to BZF protocols, so if you stick to those you can't go far wrong. Being good mates is what keeps this outfit going. As we are one of the longest running clans still extant :)

This brings me on to the current state of the membership. I have "retired" the non active, "have n't been seen for ages members". I spend a fair bit of time doing all this stuff and when people dont show up for months on end I can only assume that they are no longer interested in participating or have moved on to other things. Even the guys who's PC's are temp busted have managed to post messages, so there's really no reason for the deafening silence.

I think it's only fair to the rest of you guys (some of whom play long hours in the tourneys and matches)that we had a little tidy up. It's my view that if people are only going to turn up once in a blue moon, there is really no point in them belonging to any clan, let alone ours.

This does not mean that I am now going to open the floodgates to a rash of applicants. Since we started we have had only two dubious members (long since gone) due to my saying yes when rat-arsed. We may not conduct try-outs, but we sure as hell want to know about any simian tendencies, before we say yes to anyone. To that end Mr Fusion will have to wait until we know a bit more about him. He asked "what the big deal is ?" about joining. Well my friends are the big deal and that's the way its staying.

We are only in it for fun, if any one wants all that "The US rocks a big one" bollocks, they better bugger off over to the Whipsnade (US) One (Under 12's ) server. End of rant :o)

Should have the next episode of The Chimpinators out by the weekend

Monday July 12th
Blimey, No news for a week. Still I have been very busy at home. This week kicks off with the news that Claymor and Omnicron have given up MoD and joined Ni. Good luck to them. I can't think of a better outfit for them to join (excluding us). Jammy git Hemi. Still if we have any more ppl there won't be any one left to fight.

We had a request from the remaining CoW members to merge with us, two requests from a couple of WWand I got a mail from a guy whose first asked me to join 6 months ago.

Despite some members being away for an extended period, some due to broken kit and other (unknown reasons, they have,nt mailed me), It is the general consensus that we remain as is. This is not to be taken that there is any suggestion of lack of skill/character on the part of the applicants, rather that I would prefer to decline all requests at the moment, to be fair to all

It may be that some of the "AFK's" will not return (Where are you Bang Bang) and I might make some "changes" to the membership listings. I am bound to say that I am reluctant to chuck some one out just because they have n't been around for a bit. We have sufficient commitment from a hard core of regular members to meet any challenges and I would prefer to keep us a happy ship. I re affirm my support to all you blokes who make this work so well.

28 games played for only 8 losses. Says it all. Cheers m8s :)

Nice to see Locke back after all his heavy studying. Straight "A"s throughout, Nice one.

Sunday July 4th
I thought I would change the policy for the newspage. As we now have a nice stable Forum (thanks to Upuaut) I shall be posting more "transient" news items there.

Things that may be of interest later, like major events will still appear on the News page, especially things which include URL's and the like, so you can always get them from the archives.

The Forum will make life easier for me at stage when I shall be getting short of time. Also it is more interactive and thus more interesting.

Although I am off work this week and going to be very busy I will still continue with Clan business as normal.

Friday July 2nd
Wahooo Friday and I got next week off. Looking forward to giving Fort Smeg a good bashing in 0800 heaven. I have now got counters on the maps and this page as well as the homepage. Nosey aint I :)

Paula's last day at work to day, ever, spawney or wot? Still she's gonna be busy soon. Only 4 weeks to Bump-Dump. I will make a start in the F B Canyon map tonight.

Hemi mailed me to say there are some new drivers out for the SB live at file apparently.

Meanwhile here is a funny.

The messiah:

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of agreat crystal river. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly tothe twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way oflife, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth. Butone creature said at last, "I trust that the current knows where it isgoing. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, Ishall die of boredom."

The other creatures laughed and said, "Fool! Let go, and thatcurrent you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across therocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!"But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go,and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.

Yet, in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the currentlifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried,"See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See theMessiah, come to save us all!"

The one carried in the current said, "I am no more Messiah than you. The river delighted to lift usfree, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure.But they cried the more, "Saviour!" all the while clinging to the rocks, making legends of a Saviour.

Wednesday June 30th
"Fort Smeg"

Link to

Here is a small map for fast action Deathmatch based on an Alien outpost. Suitable for tanks and bombers. Loads of ammo and repairs, but No Mags, Rave, pops etc. A few cannons and rockets are included.Thanks to Phillip Tanner (UglyDog) for allowing free use of the custom the textures he made for "Heavy Metal". I have shamlessly included them in this map.They were just the thing I was looking for. I hope this map provesas popular as his :)
I should have it finished for release this evening. I tried it last night with Jaki and Killie, but I for got to include the custom texture maps in the zip. Doh!!! I have now done this and will post it later. Just a few things I want to finish off to make it the "Dogs".

NWH are spoiling for a rumble at the weekend. Looks like it will be about midnight our time.

Do n't forget this is your clan too, if you have got any contributions send them to me!

That's all for now, drop me a line

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